When you think of self-care, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? For most of us, it is likely some sort of activity we would consider to be pampering, such as having a bubble bath or an at-home spa day with face masks and wine. Considering these are the images most of us conjure up, no wonder a number of people think self-care is for women. Not only is that not true, but there are many things wrong with that way of thinking.
Problems with this outlook on self-care:
- There isn’t anything inherently feminine about bubble baths, bath bombs, facials, or spa days. A man can, and should, engage in these activities if they make him feel good. We all deserve to take care of ourselves. Skincare is gender-neutral.
- This is not what self-care truly is. Self-care is more than pampering.
What is Self-care?
Self-care is the practice of taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally. The keyword in this simple definition is practice. We are not always going to succeed at everything we do and that includes self-care – the important thing is setting the intention to take care of our needs and making the time to do so. (It does not have to be time-consuming). The practice is what builds resilience and helps us to manage life’s stressors.
Self-Care for Men
Our goal should be to de-centre gender from our conversations related to health and wellness whenever possible, but sometimes it is necessary to shed some light on particular areas.
Research suggests that when men engage in self-care they are often focused specifically on fitness and nutrition. While this in itself isn’t problematic, eating well and participating in regular exercise are important areas of self-care, there needs to be more. Also, fitness and nutrition can easily turn self-care into something that is competitive, or more about striving for perfection rather than taking care of oneself.
Other areas that men need to refocus their attention on are things that feel as though they’re rejuvenating on a deeper level than simply one’s body as well as things that renew a person’s engagement in life. What these things look like will vary significantly from person to person and we should allow ourselves to engage in these activities without judgement. If having a bubble bath and a craft beer feels good – do it.
So, how can men re-engage with self-care in a way that feels good to them?
Start small and build habits over time, don’t try to completely overhaul your life because this is setting yourself up for failure. Know it might feel awkward at first but it will get easier. Once you start to see the benefits, it will get easier. Here are some suggestions to get you started:
- Reconnect with your hobbies. It can be easy to get wrapped up in the stresses of life and work. Take some time to reconnect with the things you enjoy, such as video games, reading, etc.
- Fitness. Try not pushing yourself with every workout, you don’t always have to push your personal best. Consider changing one of your workouts to a less intense workout like yoga or tai chi.
- Sleep. Prioritize getting good sleep more often. Do some reading on sleep hygiene and engage in a good bedtime routine.
- Pamper Yourself. Find one or two things you like to engage in that would be considered pampering and add it to your routine. Maybe that’s skincare or a bath. Or maybe you treat yourself to a nice massage.
- Relationships. Humans are social creatures and relationships are an important part of maintaining our psychological health and wellness. So, take the time to foster the connections that you have. The closer we feel with other people the more likely we are to feel comfortable asking them for support if we need it.
My Thoughts on Self-care for Men
Self-care is incredibly important to engage in for all genders and it is time that men start to engage with self-care in a way that is healthy for them. As a transgender man who has a degree in psychology as well as social work, I have learned a lot about the importance of self-care. That being said, after I started my transition I engaged with a lot of things differently because I felt I needed to prove my masculinity.
It took me some time to work through these feelings, but once I did, I began to feel like I was in a unique position to redefine masculinity and set a good example. There is no reason I can’t enjoy taking bubble baths or have a spa day at home with my partner, or practice yoga (yes, I do all of these things). So, let’s drop the toxic masculinity and take care of ourselves in whatever ways work for us regardless of gender.