Coming out and subsequently going through the process of transitioning while in school and be a daunting and overwhelming process. I had no idea that being trans was a thing while I was in high school but started my transition while I was in university. Here is my experience and some tips on how to go through this process if you’re worried about it.
My Story
I first came out as bisexual in unviersity but that didn’t really change much for me. A couple of years later I began to explore my gender identity but the coming out process for me was not a straightforward one. (Read more about my coming out story here).
When I first started to explore gender it was complicated. I didn’t like my name and I felt uncomfortable in a lot of my clothes and even though I preferred to present masculine I absolutely acknowledged the feminine parts of myself and didn’t want to completely distance myself from that. So, I came out as gender fluid and exclusively used they/them pronouns.
At that time I was going to a relatively conservative university but was in a support program, Social Work. As we began discussing LGBTQ+ issues I slowly began to share my identity more and more and slowly began to ask people to use my correct pronouns. By the end of the program I was the ‘go-to’ LGBTQ+ person. This was funny but overwhelming because I cannot speak of anyone else’s experience than my own.
After a year or so I decided to go back to school for creative writing because that was my passion. By then I had started using my current name but had not yet changed it legally. I had to apply under my legal name but was able to put in my preferred name and teachers were very good about using it. I was lucky in this program that some professors were beginning to ask students to introduce themselves with names and pronouns at the beginning of the semester so it was easy for me to let folks know I preferred they/them/theirs. Most people were pretty good about using my pronouns although some did struggle with the grammatical nature of using what people often consider to be a plural pronoun for a singular person. But to me showing effort is what matters most and it made me feel seen.
Coming out as Transgender in University – Tips for Transitioning
It can be scary to start the transition process while you’re in school so here are some things I suggest doing.
- Find out if your university or college has LGBTQ+ support resources available. They may be able to answer specific questions about processes in your university and provide you with support in the transitioning process. There also may be peer support groups or resources.
- If you are still in the application process make sure to include your chosen name. If you are already enrolled ask administration if they can update your records to include your chosen name. This information should be provided to professors at the beginning of the semester along with the rest of your information.
- Consider emailing your professors prior to classes beginning to request that they use your chosen name and provide them with your pronouns. If you’re comfortable, also consider asking them to include pronouns at the beginning of class introductions if they do them.
- Practice correcting people. Early in my transition I found that correcting people on name and pronouns was really challenging. So, if you can, find someone you trust to practice with so you can develop almost like a script that works for you and it hopefully becomes easier to correct people.
- Take time for self-care. Not only it challenging to correct people it can be emotionally exhausting. Take some time for yourself to do things that you love and affirms your gender. For me that looked like spending time with people who cared about me who overused my name and pronouns in conversation to reaffirm me, requesting that friends compliment me in ways that affirm my gender, or engage in activities that made me feel good about my gender like going to the gym and lifting weights (I know, super dude bro of me).
Remember that your gender identity is valid no matter what stage you are at in your transition, or if you choose to medically transition at all, and you deserve to be respected in that identity. If you’re struggling with your gender identity I suggest reaching out to peer support groups in your area or online.
Transitioning Information
The process of transitioning itself is going to vary significantly based on your personal gender expectations and goals and where you are located. In Canada, the process for transitioning varies significant between provinces. There is also a difference between social and medical transitioning.
I socially transitioned initially by changing my name and pronouns (I currently use he/him or they/them pronouns), although I didn’t legally change my name until several years into my transition. And I haven’t and don’t plan to change my gender marker on my ID, while many others do choose to do so.
Medically, I didn’t start testosterone until like 3 years after I came out because I was unsure about some of the changes and was anxious about it. I have now been on testosterone 3 years and haven’t had any surgeries and don’t have any plans for surgery in the near future.
Our paths when it comes to transitioning are unique based on our own wants and needs and there is no ‘right way’ to transition. Some people believe that they need to ‘pass’ and although that’s a valid goal it isn’t necessarily relevant to everyone.
There are lots of resources available if you’re looking for specific support with transitioning. If you’re a resident of BC (like me) look to TransCare BC with any questions you may have about your transition goals.